Reclaiming your life through optimism
(by Joseph T Martorano, John P Kildahl)
You are what your think – it’s your mind!
Ten things to do now:
1. Stop all nothing thinking.
Quiz yourself. Do you tend to think in extremes or absolutes? I have to be first, I am nothing but a slob, nothing works for me etc. Those thoughts will make you suffer. Underline those extremes and stop.
2. Avoid over generalizing.
This can best be done by underlining all the universalizing (the everythings and forevers) you hear in your mind. Then work on stopping them. The cliché “Never say never” is a good advice.
3. Listen in accurately to the feedback from your body.
Signals from your body need to be listened and interpreted. “Do something nice for yourself.” Think of the pleasure your body has given you throughout your life. “You will do something wonderful for your mood if you think about the wonderful feelings your body has brought you.”
4. Think in micro steps – solve a problem by breaking it down into the smallest possible steps.
5. Minimize your magnifications.
Do not exaggerate your thinking – it was the worst! I was destroyed, etc. No such things happened. Those are thoughts that produce helpless feelings. You deserve to think better of yourself.
6. Monitor the war between your thoughts.
Listen in and identify the different voices and thoughts so you can decide whose to stop.
7. Keep your thoughts in your own voice.
When you have conflicts, underline your own internal voice. Then stop the unwanted voice of someone else.
8. Avoid overlooking.
Take a laugh break. Change a losing pattern. Get outside yourself. Imagine you are somebody successful.
9. Think maintenance and mission.
Maintenance – cleaning up the past
Mission – moving ahead
When you find yourself thinking about a maintenance task, nudge yourself over into a mission task.
10. Keep your thinking goal directed!
Don’t waste your time with the critical voices holding you back. Monitor your inner speech to keep your goals clear. Direct yourself in your strong voice. “This is where I want to go.”
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
HAPPY MARRIAGE
A HAPPY MARRIAGE is what every couple dreams of. Hence, advises Tina Abdullah from TRW Consultancy, one should regard marital relationship as a collaboration. To ensure a successful lifelong loving relationship, both partners must put in effort. The four areas, says Tina, which usually need attention in a marriage are communication, negotiation, personal and relationship growth. Here are tips on how you can improve on them.
COMMUNICATION
Tell your partner what’s on your mind. Get into the habit of using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Communication is also listening to what the other party has to say. You should extend common courtesy to the person you will be spending the rest of your life with. Knowing when and how to say sorry can mend a rift and heal hurt feelings.
NEGOTIATION
The art of negotiation ensures both parties win, and this takes a lot of practice. Though you may feel happy with the way things are, you need to resolve issues that may be eating your partner up. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. Even if on the surface the issue seems hopelessly divided, further discussion can open areas for trade-offs. Not many problems are so lopsided that there is no avenue for negotiation.
PERSONAL GROWTH
Most things in life don’t stay the same. This includes the way you love each other and the direction your relationship takes. Knowing your own needs and meeting them will prevent you from feeling that life is just one big sacrifice for others.
RELATIONSHIP GROWTH
Any relationship needs to grow. Marriage operates like a bank account: there are deposits and withdrawal. Doing things for one another is a deposit. Arguing or breaking a promise is a withdrawal. A loving and enduring marriage needs a lot of deposits, made conscientiously and regularly over the years.
COMMUNICATION
Tell your partner what’s on your mind. Get into the habit of using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Communication is also listening to what the other party has to say. You should extend common courtesy to the person you will be spending the rest of your life with. Knowing when and how to say sorry can mend a rift and heal hurt feelings.
NEGOTIATION
The art of negotiation ensures both parties win, and this takes a lot of practice. Though you may feel happy with the way things are, you need to resolve issues that may be eating your partner up. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. Even if on the surface the issue seems hopelessly divided, further discussion can open areas for trade-offs. Not many problems are so lopsided that there is no avenue for negotiation.
PERSONAL GROWTH
Most things in life don’t stay the same. This includes the way you love each other and the direction your relationship takes. Knowing your own needs and meeting them will prevent you from feeling that life is just one big sacrifice for others.
RELATIONSHIP GROWTH
Any relationship needs to grow. Marriage operates like a bank account: there are deposits and withdrawal. Doing things for one another is a deposit. Arguing or breaking a promise is a withdrawal. A loving and enduring marriage needs a lot of deposits, made conscientiously and regularly over the years.
Are You in LOVE?
FOUR TIPS TO TELL IF YOU’RE REALLY IN LOVE
Falling in love would be so much easier if we just knew how it was going to work out. If we were going to otherwise live happily ever after with the fellow with the annoying habit of cracking his knuckles, we wouldn’t dump him after the second date. And if we knew that the time she spent to look so beautiful and glamorous would eventually drown our initial lust, we probably wouldn’t send roses after the first date.
Is the possibility of heartbreak worth it? How do we know if it’s the real thing? While not the final word, here are four tips to tell whether you’re on the right track.
SEPARATING THE PHYSICAL
Writer Harlan Ellison has said, “Love ain’t nothing but sex misspelt.” It is awfully easy to mix up love and lust. Mentally separate the physical part of your relationship from the rest. Not much left? If the physical side were taken away completely, how would you feel about this person? Oh, and how would they feel about you? As Margaret Anderson explains it, “In real love, you want the other person’s good. In romantic love, you want the other person.”
WANTS, NOT NEEDS
“Thousands have lived without love, not one without water,” WH Auden. Is it important to you or to your partner to be in love? Do you feel like you have to be in love? If you fall out of love, are you in a big hurry to fall back in, with someone else? It could be you’re in love with being in love – and not really with each other.
As M Scott Peck says in The Road Less Travelled, “Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.”
NO STRINGS ATTACHED
Do either of you say, “I’d love you if…” or “I won’t love you unless…” Love with strings attached feels more like a trap than a safety net. As Ken Keyes Jr says in A Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships, “Unconditional love gives a stable foundation to a relationship. And it means just what it says. No conditions – no strings attached to my love. No matter what you say or do, I will continue loving you. I may not like what you do, but my love is unconditional and will not be affected, not even if our involvement changes.”
LOOKING UP
Ann Landers explains it, “Infatuation might lead you to do the things you’ll regret later, but love never does. Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.”
At a singles retreat, one of the participants asked if there was any one way to know whether a relationship was the “right” one. A priest replied that you should ask yourself: does this relationship give me energy, or does it drain me of energy? Any relationship that leaves you feeling drained isn’t the right one. He got a standing ovation.
HER WORLD, FEB 1995
TIPS ON CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON:
ü One who makes you feel good about living,
ü Who brings out the best in you,
ü Who is joyful and giving,
ü Who gives you a chance to be strong,
ü Who accepts you as you are.
Falling in love would be so much easier if we just knew how it was going to work out. If we were going to otherwise live happily ever after with the fellow with the annoying habit of cracking his knuckles, we wouldn’t dump him after the second date. And if we knew that the time she spent to look so beautiful and glamorous would eventually drown our initial lust, we probably wouldn’t send roses after the first date.
Is the possibility of heartbreak worth it? How do we know if it’s the real thing? While not the final word, here are four tips to tell whether you’re on the right track.
SEPARATING THE PHYSICAL
Writer Harlan Ellison has said, “Love ain’t nothing but sex misspelt.” It is awfully easy to mix up love and lust. Mentally separate the physical part of your relationship from the rest. Not much left? If the physical side were taken away completely, how would you feel about this person? Oh, and how would they feel about you? As Margaret Anderson explains it, “In real love, you want the other person’s good. In romantic love, you want the other person.”
WANTS, NOT NEEDS
“Thousands have lived without love, not one without water,” WH Auden. Is it important to you or to your partner to be in love? Do you feel like you have to be in love? If you fall out of love, are you in a big hurry to fall back in, with someone else? It could be you’re in love with being in love – and not really with each other.
As M Scott Peck says in The Road Less Travelled, “Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.”
NO STRINGS ATTACHED
Do either of you say, “I’d love you if…” or “I won’t love you unless…” Love with strings attached feels more like a trap than a safety net. As Ken Keyes Jr says in A Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships, “Unconditional love gives a stable foundation to a relationship. And it means just what it says. No conditions – no strings attached to my love. No matter what you say or do, I will continue loving you. I may not like what you do, but my love is unconditional and will not be affected, not even if our involvement changes.”
LOOKING UP
Ann Landers explains it, “Infatuation might lead you to do the things you’ll regret later, but love never does. Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.”
At a singles retreat, one of the participants asked if there was any one way to know whether a relationship was the “right” one. A priest replied that you should ask yourself: does this relationship give me energy, or does it drain me of energy? Any relationship that leaves you feeling drained isn’t the right one. He got a standing ovation.
HER WORLD, FEB 1995
TIPS ON CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON:
ü One who makes you feel good about living,
ü Who brings out the best in you,
ü Who is joyful and giving,
ü Who gives you a chance to be strong,
ü Who accepts you as you are.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Rawatlah hati, tenangkan jiwa
KENYATAAN BRO iaitu “perempuan sememangnya kaki pendendam, malah sikap kebencian yang ada pada sesetengah daripada mereka adalah terlalu buruk” ialah satu kesimpulan umum (‘overgeneralisation) dan boleh dikategorikan sebagai satu ciri pemikiran terganggu (‘distorted thinking’); rujuk ‘Emotional Fitness’, A Guide by CAP.
Sebenarnya lelaki dan perempuan sama sahaja kerana personaliti manusia dikategorikan kepada empat jenis. Personaliti ibu mertua yang bro bincangkan minggu lepas dikategorikan sebagai Personaliti Berkuasa (‘Powerful Choleric Personality); rujuk Personality Plus, Florence Littauer.
Malang bagi ibu-ibu sebegini kerana mereka mempunyai lebih sifat-sifat negatif dari positif. Tiada siapa menyukai individu yang angkuh dan suka menguasai orang lain (‘domineering’) apatah lagi dia sahaja yang betul (‘bossy’). Mereka dibenci di rumah juga di organisasi. Kalau suami pun mesti ikut telunjuk mereka, anak-anak apatah lagi. Mereka bukannya dihormati tetapi hanya ditakuti.
Walaupun kita dikurniakan akal fikiran tetapi ramai sebenarnya tanpa disedari dikuasai oleh emosi. Jika lelaki yang dikurniakan sembilan akal pun boleh bertindak sesuka hati, apatah lagi wanita yang mempunyai sembilan nafsu. Saya ada juga mendengar kisah siayah yang tidak membenarkan anaknya berkahwin dengan lelaki/wanita dari negeri tertentu, juga profesion ini dan itu.
Bapa saya pernah berkata, beliau tidak suka dengan mereka dari negeri xxxxx. Ditakdirkan jodoh saya dengan lelaki dari negeri xxxxx. Bapa akhirnya mengalah kerana saya bertemu jodoh setelah melepasi umur 30. Maka apabila emosional mengatasi rasional sesiapa sahaja akan keliru apakah itu takdir dan takbir.
Anak-anak yang taat dan patuh kepada ibu bapa tanpa mengira cara didikan yang mereka terima, pastinya dikurniakan pasangan yang elok budi pekerti dan lebih disenangi selain memiliki ilmu yang tinggi. Ini menyebabkan siibu merasa tercabar dan tidak selamat, dikuasai kebimbangan anaknya akan lebih menyayangi siisteri.
Dari kes-kes yang saya kaji, konflik mertua-menantu ini sering terjadi kepada ibu yang kematian suami, ibu yang ditinggalkan suami juga ibu yang memiliki pasangan yang tidak bertanggunjawab.
Konflik ini lebih teruk lagi seandainya ibu-ibu ini hidup bertunjangkan adat budaya Melayu. Bagi masyarakat Minangkabau, orang laki-laki tertakluk kepada hukum ibu. Pada adat yang asal, suami tidak wajib memberi nafkah kepada isterinya; rujuk Prof.Dr. Hamka, Islam dan Adat Minangkabau.
Beliau juga menyimpulkan bahawa adat telah menyebabkan masyarakat kita mengutamakan kekayaan sebagai kriteria penting untuk perkahwinan. Walhal Nabi SAW menegaskan yang beragama itu adalah yang terbaik. Kajian Reader’s Digest keluaran Oktober 2009 membuktikan 58% orang Malaysia meletakkan duit sebagai kebimbangan utama. (Kita berada ditempat pertama,Negara China dengan 55% di tempat kedua.)
Kehidupan masyarakat Melayu yang banyak dipengaruhi oleh fahaman Anisme dan budaya Hinduisme menyebabkan ramai diantara kita lebih menyukai hiburan dari majlis ilmuan. Baik tua mahupun muda masa lapang diisi dengan menonton TV dan DVD. Barangan perhiasan dan berharga mendapat tempat utama.
Masih ramai sebenarnya masih asyik dibuai dunia walaupun telah meningkat usia. Kalau sudah mencecah 60 tahun pun masih teruja dengan jenis kereta, emas permata dan koleksi berharga, bagaimana mungkin simuda mencontohi yang tua? Hakikatnya tidak ramai yang dewasa dan matang sejajar dengan usia.
Sesungguhnya manusia itu dijadikan bertabiat resah gelisah; rujuk ayat 19 Surah Al-Maarij. Hanya ilmu dan amalan-amalan kerohanian yang dapat menenangkan jiwa dan menjadi penawar kepada penyakit-penyakit hati.
Catatan: Artikel ini telah disiarkan di Mingguan Malaysia.
Sebenarnya lelaki dan perempuan sama sahaja kerana personaliti manusia dikategorikan kepada empat jenis. Personaliti ibu mertua yang bro bincangkan minggu lepas dikategorikan sebagai Personaliti Berkuasa (‘Powerful Choleric Personality); rujuk Personality Plus, Florence Littauer.
Malang bagi ibu-ibu sebegini kerana mereka mempunyai lebih sifat-sifat negatif dari positif. Tiada siapa menyukai individu yang angkuh dan suka menguasai orang lain (‘domineering’) apatah lagi dia sahaja yang betul (‘bossy’). Mereka dibenci di rumah juga di organisasi. Kalau suami pun mesti ikut telunjuk mereka, anak-anak apatah lagi. Mereka bukannya dihormati tetapi hanya ditakuti.
Walaupun kita dikurniakan akal fikiran tetapi ramai sebenarnya tanpa disedari dikuasai oleh emosi. Jika lelaki yang dikurniakan sembilan akal pun boleh bertindak sesuka hati, apatah lagi wanita yang mempunyai sembilan nafsu. Saya ada juga mendengar kisah siayah yang tidak membenarkan anaknya berkahwin dengan lelaki/wanita dari negeri tertentu, juga profesion ini dan itu.
Bapa saya pernah berkata, beliau tidak suka dengan mereka dari negeri xxxxx. Ditakdirkan jodoh saya dengan lelaki dari negeri xxxxx. Bapa akhirnya mengalah kerana saya bertemu jodoh setelah melepasi umur 30. Maka apabila emosional mengatasi rasional sesiapa sahaja akan keliru apakah itu takdir dan takbir.
Anak-anak yang taat dan patuh kepada ibu bapa tanpa mengira cara didikan yang mereka terima, pastinya dikurniakan pasangan yang elok budi pekerti dan lebih disenangi selain memiliki ilmu yang tinggi. Ini menyebabkan siibu merasa tercabar dan tidak selamat, dikuasai kebimbangan anaknya akan lebih menyayangi siisteri.
Dari kes-kes yang saya kaji, konflik mertua-menantu ini sering terjadi kepada ibu yang kematian suami, ibu yang ditinggalkan suami juga ibu yang memiliki pasangan yang tidak bertanggunjawab.
Konflik ini lebih teruk lagi seandainya ibu-ibu ini hidup bertunjangkan adat budaya Melayu. Bagi masyarakat Minangkabau, orang laki-laki tertakluk kepada hukum ibu. Pada adat yang asal, suami tidak wajib memberi nafkah kepada isterinya; rujuk Prof.Dr. Hamka, Islam dan Adat Minangkabau.
Beliau juga menyimpulkan bahawa adat telah menyebabkan masyarakat kita mengutamakan kekayaan sebagai kriteria penting untuk perkahwinan. Walhal Nabi SAW menegaskan yang beragama itu adalah yang terbaik. Kajian Reader’s Digest keluaran Oktober 2009 membuktikan 58% orang Malaysia meletakkan duit sebagai kebimbangan utama. (Kita berada ditempat pertama,Negara China dengan 55% di tempat kedua.)
Kehidupan masyarakat Melayu yang banyak dipengaruhi oleh fahaman Anisme dan budaya Hinduisme menyebabkan ramai diantara kita lebih menyukai hiburan dari majlis ilmuan. Baik tua mahupun muda masa lapang diisi dengan menonton TV dan DVD. Barangan perhiasan dan berharga mendapat tempat utama.
Masih ramai sebenarnya masih asyik dibuai dunia walaupun telah meningkat usia. Kalau sudah mencecah 60 tahun pun masih teruja dengan jenis kereta, emas permata dan koleksi berharga, bagaimana mungkin simuda mencontohi yang tua? Hakikatnya tidak ramai yang dewasa dan matang sejajar dengan usia.
Sesungguhnya manusia itu dijadikan bertabiat resah gelisah; rujuk ayat 19 Surah Al-Maarij. Hanya ilmu dan amalan-amalan kerohanian yang dapat menenangkan jiwa dan menjadi penawar kepada penyakit-penyakit hati.
Catatan: Artikel ini telah disiarkan di Mingguan Malaysia.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A Memoir of Learning English
MY EARLY education began in a small village near Malacca-Negeri Sembilan border. As I scored 5As in Penilaian Darjah 5, I was placed at Sekolah Muzaffar Syah (formerly known as Sekolah Menengah Sains Malacca).
I was put in Set 3 for English after a proficiency test. There were 5 sets for 120 students. Learning English was sometimes fun. Besides grammar, summary and writing lessons, we sang a lot of songs and studied the lyrics thoroughly.
We had to do a depth study about one book a month for the English reader’s class. I never enjoyed the books except one book entitled A Black Tulip. The other books couldn’t catch my attention as I read a lot of Enid Blyton’s stories in Malay, however, at primary school. I tried to read the books in English version but found the language difficult. I had to search the meaning of the words in a dictionary frequently.
An unexpected incident happened and I was put out of the school though I got 7As and C3 in English for SRP. I was a quite rebellious teenager then. I continued my study at Sekolah Ghafar Baba.
Here, learning English was solely formal and examination oriented. I always slept in the class. I either read for the class or wrote essays on the blackboard whenever I got fed-up with the way the class was handled. Eventually I scored C3 in SPM.
A TESL graduate teacher from US University joined the school when I was in form 5. She taught the next class, 5 Science 2. We, the 5 Science 1 students looked at each other every time they sang “Making love out of nothing at all” by Air Supply. Thousand apologise Puan R.
At university, I faced no difficulty in learning Science and Mathematics although the references were in English. The problem was and still is the understanding of the concepts.
The management subjects, on the other hand, enhanced my vocabulary. It’s made my life after that easier. I really enjoyed the translation process for the assignments and later on for the final year dissertation. References in English and presentations in Malay avoid plagiarism.
In the meantime, my elder brother reminded me to master the speaking part to be prepared for the job interviews. For the past years we were excel more in writing compare to speaking. An IELTS result later gave me confidence in using English for extensive communication. I scored the highest mark in speaking and 7.0 out of 9.0 bands in overall. The examiner was a little bit shock when he finally found out I am a ‘kampong’ girl.
My fair understanding of the language enabled me to choose whatever job I like. I was appointed as a American Degree Programme lecturer a week after my final exam. My flexible and easy going personality made my life with the expatriates from different English speaking countries cheerful. Although sometimes I misunderstood the way they pronounced the words.
Furthermore, my balanced left and right brain caused me trouble. Since I taught both Chemistry and Management subjects, it was really hard sometimes to pronounce certain words correctly. It is a bond in chemistry and yet another bond in business? Am I having dessert in a desert? How should I differentiate tenor in music and tenure for the period?
As English became my primary language, my brain is trained to extract the knowledge. The process of working with the language became smooth. I found the beauty in the language as well. Writing becomes easier. I can play with the words. Writing an English novel is no more just a dream. It can be a reality for anyone with an average level of English (The Writers Bureau, UK).
The frequent use of please, kindly, excuse me, generates the pleasant character in me. I can tell someone off in a more polite and cool manner. Every discussion and consultation sounds more diplomatic.
As English became my primary language, my brain is trained to extract the knowledge. The process of working with the language became smooth. I found the beauty in the language as well. Writing becomes easier. I can play with the words. Writing an English novel is no more just a dream. It can be a reality for anyone with an average level of English (The Writers Bureau, UK).
The frequent use of please, kindly, excuse me, generates the pleasant character in me. I can tell someone off in a more polite and cool manner. Every discussion and consultation sounds more diplomatic.
My comments in Malay always end up with feedback such as “Lasernya.” Sadly to say, so far I have only received one credit for giving comments in poetic Malay language, for not forgetting the beautiful classical Malay style. For example, ‘Naik komuter air-condnya rosak, membuat hati jadi bengkak.’ (The air-condition in the commuter was not working, so it made me angry) Another example is ‘Ikan kembung siikan tenggiri, pelancong sendiri dianaktiri.’(two types of fishes, local tourists are unlucky) (More can be read at my blog)
My unquiet mind then becomes more and more critical. It shouldn’t be a handcraft. It should be fingers craft. We use fingers, not hands. Effort (usaha) alone cannot create an entrepreneur. A successful businessman either. So ‘usahawan’ is not practical at all.
Continually, I discovered the therapeutic benefits from the usage of English in journal writing. I can be brutally frank about myself. Since my past life was a battle, I become more positive day by day. Writing in Malay, nevertheless, made me depressed!
Learning is a never ending adventure. References are still to be made for effective English communication. A good dictionary, a book of synonyms and antonyms, a book about idioms and phrases as well as a lot of reading are necessary to master the language.
A chance of mastering any languages at early childhood is a huge advantage. Continues practise, the seriousness and commitments would raise the standard. Yet we don’t have to follow the English or American accent. We don’t have to be embarrassed if our pronunciations are not correct. Just laugh with the audiences.
Even though I have had English articles accepted for publication since 1995, I still envy those who can add bombastic and extraordinary words in their writing.
So I read more novels and non-fiction books. In fact, I have bought a few sets of Grolier’s book and other children reference books. I often force my nephews and nieces to read them. My nieces at Bandar Baru Bangi (a new township) appreciate. My nephew at Telok Mas (a small city) declines.
I actually see no improvement within the children particularly in rural areas. It still goes back to square one, to the days when those from the cities used the language fluently. Back to the time when those children from good income parents master the language. Moreover, more and more mothers would feel like my mother. Feeling regret the whole life because she couldn’t help her children learning the language. And now she can’t chat with her grandchildren in English.
From English teachers’ viewpoint, they are excited because the kids are well exposed to more information and knowledge. A dedicated science teacher like me (I taught Chemistry and Physic before) wants the maximum enjoyment and it only can be gotten if the study of the subjects is in our mother tongue.
Perhaps my younger brother experience could help the educationists make a smart move. My brother scored 2As in both of his A-Level Mathematics subjects. He was selected to do Mathematics at Cambridge University in 1993. Unfortunately he failed on the 7th interview – the general knowledge section. (The interview was divided into 7 phases). If his option was sport, a history could have been made.
Definitely one of the tests was English proficiency test. It is a pre-requisite for UK universities entrance. The fact is he gained the opportunity for the beauty of his brain. Not because of his articulate ness. He did not query whether the question was about lodging or logging? The test was done orally. His mind was exhausted after so many Mathematical questions.
For a much stronger fact, I want to add a few about my husband. He passed his SPM English with P8. He had a long journey before finally obtained a degree in Engineering from UiTM. He is now working with expatriates from around the world for a USD17 billion project. Later on, God willing (InsyaAllah), he might be needed for a USD250 billion project.
In technical fields, a good communication skill helps. Still, it is your determination, your willingness, your energy and enthusiasm, your personality that counts.
Success demand self-discipline, perseverance and hard work. Brilliant alone is never enough.
As a conclusion, I was always an unfavourable business and management lecturer except for the VIP and expatriates children. One of them once commented, “You’re the teacher that we always hungered for.”
A chemistry theory; like dissolves like should be applied. English speaking teachers for English speaking students. Gifted children should be taught by gifted teachers. Greatest teachers produced greatest students.
“Do it now for tomorrow could never be better.”
Notes: This is the revised edition. The first edition (without the red colour) was sent to THE STAR on April 21, 2009.
I was put in Set 3 for English after a proficiency test. There were 5 sets for 120 students. Learning English was sometimes fun. Besides grammar, summary and writing lessons, we sang a lot of songs and studied the lyrics thoroughly.
We had to do a depth study about one book a month for the English reader’s class. I never enjoyed the books except one book entitled A Black Tulip. The other books couldn’t catch my attention as I read a lot of Enid Blyton’s stories in Malay, however, at primary school. I tried to read the books in English version but found the language difficult. I had to search the meaning of the words in a dictionary frequently.
An unexpected incident happened and I was put out of the school though I got 7As and C3 in English for SRP. I was a quite rebellious teenager then. I continued my study at Sekolah Ghafar Baba.
Here, learning English was solely formal and examination oriented. I always slept in the class. I either read for the class or wrote essays on the blackboard whenever I got fed-up with the way the class was handled. Eventually I scored C3 in SPM.
A TESL graduate teacher from US University joined the school when I was in form 5. She taught the next class, 5 Science 2. We, the 5 Science 1 students looked at each other every time they sang “Making love out of nothing at all” by Air Supply. Thousand apologise Puan R.
At university, I faced no difficulty in learning Science and Mathematics although the references were in English. The problem was and still is the understanding of the concepts.
The management subjects, on the other hand, enhanced my vocabulary. It’s made my life after that easier. I really enjoyed the translation process for the assignments and later on for the final year dissertation. References in English and presentations in Malay avoid plagiarism.
In the meantime, my elder brother reminded me to master the speaking part to be prepared for the job interviews. For the past years we were excel more in writing compare to speaking. An IELTS result later gave me confidence in using English for extensive communication. I scored the highest mark in speaking and 7.0 out of 9.0 bands in overall. The examiner was a little bit shock when he finally found out I am a ‘kampong’ girl.
My fair understanding of the language enabled me to choose whatever job I like. I was appointed as a American Degree Programme lecturer a week after my final exam. My flexible and easy going personality made my life with the expatriates from different English speaking countries cheerful. Although sometimes I misunderstood the way they pronounced the words.
Furthermore, my balanced left and right brain caused me trouble. Since I taught both Chemistry and Management subjects, it was really hard sometimes to pronounce certain words correctly. It is a bond in chemistry and yet another bond in business? Am I having dessert in a desert? How should I differentiate tenor in music and tenure for the period?
As English became my primary language, my brain is trained to extract the knowledge. The process of working with the language became smooth. I found the beauty in the language as well. Writing becomes easier. I can play with the words. Writing an English novel is no more just a dream. It can be a reality for anyone with an average level of English (The Writers Bureau, UK).
The frequent use of please, kindly, excuse me, generates the pleasant character in me. I can tell someone off in a more polite and cool manner. Every discussion and consultation sounds more diplomatic.
As English became my primary language, my brain is trained to extract the knowledge. The process of working with the language became smooth. I found the beauty in the language as well. Writing becomes easier. I can play with the words. Writing an English novel is no more just a dream. It can be a reality for anyone with an average level of English (The Writers Bureau, UK).
The frequent use of please, kindly, excuse me, generates the pleasant character in me. I can tell someone off in a more polite and cool manner. Every discussion and consultation sounds more diplomatic.
My comments in Malay always end up with feedback such as “Lasernya.” Sadly to say, so far I have only received one credit for giving comments in poetic Malay language, for not forgetting the beautiful classical Malay style. For example, ‘Naik komuter air-condnya rosak, membuat hati jadi bengkak.’ (The air-condition in the commuter was not working, so it made me angry) Another example is ‘Ikan kembung siikan tenggiri, pelancong sendiri dianaktiri.’(two types of fishes, local tourists are unlucky) (More can be read at my blog)
My unquiet mind then becomes more and more critical. It shouldn’t be a handcraft. It should be fingers craft. We use fingers, not hands. Effort (usaha) alone cannot create an entrepreneur. A successful businessman either. So ‘usahawan’ is not practical at all.
Continually, I discovered the therapeutic benefits from the usage of English in journal writing. I can be brutally frank about myself. Since my past life was a battle, I become more positive day by day. Writing in Malay, nevertheless, made me depressed!
Learning is a never ending adventure. References are still to be made for effective English communication. A good dictionary, a book of synonyms and antonyms, a book about idioms and phrases as well as a lot of reading are necessary to master the language.
A chance of mastering any languages at early childhood is a huge advantage. Continues practise, the seriousness and commitments would raise the standard. Yet we don’t have to follow the English or American accent. We don’t have to be embarrassed if our pronunciations are not correct. Just laugh with the audiences.
Even though I have had English articles accepted for publication since 1995, I still envy those who can add bombastic and extraordinary words in their writing.
So I read more novels and non-fiction books. In fact, I have bought a few sets of Grolier’s book and other children reference books. I often force my nephews and nieces to read them. My nieces at Bandar Baru Bangi (a new township) appreciate. My nephew at Telok Mas (a small city) declines.
I actually see no improvement within the children particularly in rural areas. It still goes back to square one, to the days when those from the cities used the language fluently. Back to the time when those children from good income parents master the language. Moreover, more and more mothers would feel like my mother. Feeling regret the whole life because she couldn’t help her children learning the language. And now she can’t chat with her grandchildren in English.
From English teachers’ viewpoint, they are excited because the kids are well exposed to more information and knowledge. A dedicated science teacher like me (I taught Chemistry and Physic before) wants the maximum enjoyment and it only can be gotten if the study of the subjects is in our mother tongue.
Perhaps my younger brother experience could help the educationists make a smart move. My brother scored 2As in both of his A-Level Mathematics subjects. He was selected to do Mathematics at Cambridge University in 1993. Unfortunately he failed on the 7th interview – the general knowledge section. (The interview was divided into 7 phases). If his option was sport, a history could have been made.
Definitely one of the tests was English proficiency test. It is a pre-requisite for UK universities entrance. The fact is he gained the opportunity for the beauty of his brain. Not because of his articulate ness. He did not query whether the question was about lodging or logging? The test was done orally. His mind was exhausted after so many Mathematical questions.
For a much stronger fact, I want to add a few about my husband. He passed his SPM English with P8. He had a long journey before finally obtained a degree in Engineering from UiTM. He is now working with expatriates from around the world for a USD17 billion project. Later on, God willing (InsyaAllah), he might be needed for a USD250 billion project.
In technical fields, a good communication skill helps. Still, it is your determination, your willingness, your energy and enthusiasm, your personality that counts.
Success demand self-discipline, perseverance and hard work. Brilliant alone is never enough.
As a conclusion, I was always an unfavourable business and management lecturer except for the VIP and expatriates children. One of them once commented, “You’re the teacher that we always hungered for.”
A chemistry theory; like dissolves like should be applied. English speaking teachers for English speaking students. Gifted children should be taught by gifted teachers. Greatest teachers produced greatest students.
“Do it now for tomorrow could never be better.”
Notes: This is the revised edition. The first edition (without the red colour) was sent to THE STAR on April 21, 2009.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Understanding Personality
To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom – Socrates
MY NAME is Nayli Farwizah. You can call me Neli. But most favourable nickname is Bunga (Flower). Given by Atuk, my grandfather. He calls me Bunga since he found difficulty in pronouncing my real name. He composed a lullaby using this nickname too.
I don’t know why Makngah, my mother’s elder sister created this story for me. I thought she would do one for Inas, my younger sister. She loves Inas so much. That’s what I noticed. She bought Inas a very beautiful and expensive gown last Hari Raya. But, I don’t care…I have Abah! (my father). I know Abah loves me more. After all, I do look like Abah. Except, hmmm….my personality.
According to Makngah, I am more like Mak, my mother. Both of us are Powerful Cholerics. Do you know about this? Have you ever heard about it? Well….I never. Do you want to know why? Because, I am 5 tahun lah! (5 years old). So, if you want to know your personality, please buy Florence Littauer book – Personality Plus: How to understand others by understanding yourself (RM 27.90 at MPH & Kinokuniya).
Typical Powerful Cholerics are: swiftly, control, commander, self-assurance, iron will, dominate, take-charge determination, consigned, reorganization, decision making machinery, supreme, directive, power, faster, complete (Florence Littaeur). I have no idea whether Mak and I have all these characteristics or not. Furthermore, can you label someone at a younger age?
Well, Makngah told me that it doesn’t mean to label anybody. It is for us to learn how to put our strengths to work for us, how to compensate for the weaknesses in our personality. By understanding the personality, we can understand the strengths and weaknesses in others.
Powerful Cholerics are born leader. We exhibit a take-charge attitude very early in life. We let our parents know what we expect out of life. We demand of their rights very early by using a loud voice or temper tantrums to solidify control. Do you think I fall in this category because I always cry and seek for attention from my parents? I cry a lot because my skin is itchy lah
Makngah!
What you call it, Makngah? Eczema? As a matter of fact, I inherited these behaviour from, who else? My mother.
For mothers who don’t understand the personalities, these strong-willed children won’t do anything they are told. They make decisions for the whole family and at an early age, are firmly in charge of the household (Florence Littauer). Oh Makngah! I am the one who always ask Mak to go to Tesco; Mak, mak! Hari ni Mak cuti? Kita pegi Tesco heh? (She always asks her mother to go to Tesco during her mother’s day off.)
Makngah said my mother was the one who decided how to distribute whatever Nenek, my grandmother bought for them. Oh! I forgot to tell you. My mother has another sister, Maksu. Both of her sisters had to agree to whatever decisions made by her. My grandmother too! An example given by Makngah, the storyteller, was the clothes nenek bought for the three of them for Hari Raya. As a result, nenek bought the same materials and they would wear the same outfit on that day. Ha..ha..ha..Boria from Malacca.
However, I never allow Mak to do the same thing to me and Inas. I’ll make sure my clothes are more beautiful than her. Fortunately, I have more clothes than my sister and she has to wear my old clothes. Poor Inas.
The strong-willed and take-charge attitude in Powerful Cholerics are needed by organizations, businesses and families. Our ability to make decisions and to solve problem, would save time, although not everyone appreciates it.
Powerful Cholerics could have difficulties in life. They are rarely popular because their assurance and assertiveness make others feel insecure. Their ability to lead can easily make them appear bossy. By understanding the personality, Powerful Cholerics must moderate their actions. Hopefully, others will rejoice in their obvious abilities and not be offended. Another weakness is the short-tempered.
Meanwhile, how about Makngah? Do you want to know her personality? I bet you want. As I mentioned earlier, Makngah is a storyteller – talkative. Paklang, my uncle once described Makngah as a talking machine! Ha..ha..ha Once you put coins and press the button, she would talk and talk. Don’t know when she would stop. So, everybody must be careful not to put more coins. Ha..ha..ha..Sorry, Makngah. I know that you are funny and have a good sense of humour. You can accept these kinds of jokes, do you?
Makngah is a Popular Sanguine with some Powerful Choleric temperament. The marks you got in a Personality Profile Test would tell you. So, Makngah score more marks in Popular Sanguine category and she got certain marks in Powerful Choleric temperament. And this world really needs Popular Sanguine!
They bring joy when you are in trouble.
They have the touch of innocence.
They have a good sense of humour.
They put hope to blow away the black clouds.
They are enthusiastic and energetic to start over and over again.
Their creativity and charm colour your dull days.
They are simple person in complex situations.
As a child, Popular Sanguine looks for fun and games. They are inquisitive and cheerful. Popular Sanguine babies play with anything they can find. They laugh and love to be with people.
The typical Popular Sanguine at work always volunteer for jobs and thinks of new activities, looks great on the surface, creative and colourful, inspires others to join, charms others to work (Florence Littauer).
Popular Sanguines also are very good on stage. They are excellent greeters and hilarious. Do you remember Fran Fine, The Nanny? Makngah really enjoyed the sitcoms. She watched her again and again. While some viewers complaint about Astro repetition programmes, Makngah gave her credits.
Wah Makngah, don’t want to reveal your weaknesses, huh? For your information, Popular Sanguines like to interrupt and answer for others. They talk too much too! Therefore Makngah, please watch for signs of boredom and stop exaggerating!
Moreover, Popular Sanguines frequently don’t succeed. They have the ideas, the personality, the creativity, but they seldom get it all pulled together at any given time. Many of them change jobs, even careers. Oh, Makngah……..this is exactly you……
(Its ok, Neli….. You won’t get the delicious chocolates Pakngah bought for us…..) Oopps! Please forgive me, Makngah. I forgot the enthusiasm the Popular Sanguine has. Besides, you were a goal oriented person. Another Powerful Choleric character you have.
In what other ways, Makngah is a Powerful Choleric? A firm decision maker! Makngah always disagree with Atuk’s choices or decisions. Neither her ambition nor about her life partner.
What did you say Makngah? Atuk has Powerful Choleric characteristics too? That’s why both of you and Mak also cannot get along well with him. Ok! Now I have a better picture about us. Sad to tell, Atuk sometimes doesn’t like me too…..isk..isk..isk. Did I cry like this? Hello Makngah? Where is the sound?
So, now you have learned that each one of us is unique. Though we are from the same womb! While I am a duplication of my mother, Inas, my sister is a Peaceful Phlegmatic. She should be Pakngah’s daughter. She is more like him. Very indifferent from me, Along or Abah.
It could be because she was born in 2006, the same year with Pakngah’s child. Unfortunately, he had heart failure and we could never play or tease him. Therefore, Makngah had asked for Inas before she was born. This could be the reason why she shares the same personality with Pakngah. (Don’t forget Neli, Paklong too.)
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the easiest of all temperaments to get along with. Little Peaceful Phlegmatic babies are blessings to their parents. They will be delightful to have around; they will be happy wherever they are placed. They make friends but are happy alone. Nothing seems to bother them and they love to watch people pass by (Florence Littauer).
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the closest to being a balanced person; does not function in the extremes or excesses of life, but walks solidly down the middle road, avoiding conflict and decision on either side. He does not offend, does not call attention to himself and quietly does what is expected of him without looking for credit.
While Powerful Choleric wants to run everything, Peaceful Phlegmatic tends to hold back until asked and is never pushy. So, when Makngah (Popular Sanguine) screams, Mak (Powerful Choleric) lashes out, Paklang (Perfect Melancholy) sinks down, Paklong (Peaceful Phlegmatic) stay cool and calm.
Why Makngah said Paklang is a Perfect Melancholy? Well, Perfect Melancholy tends to be a genius prone and likes chart, graphs and figures lists. Paklang scored A for both of his A-level Mathematics. Even as a baby, the Perfect Melancholy appears to be thinking deeply. He is quiet, undemanding and likes to be alone. Hah…Paklang, remember yourself when you were at the kindergarten? You did not want to mix around with other kids. You told Nenek, you didn’t like them because of their smell? See Paklang, Perfect Melancholy makes friend cautiously and is sensitive to others.
Now you see, the more we understand people, the more we study the beauty of God (Allah) creations. Allah made each one of us different, so we could function in our own role. Some of us are feet, Powerful Choleric – to move, to administer, and to accomplish. Perfect Melancholy is the minds – to think deeply, to feel, to write. We have hands, Peaceful Phlegmatic – to serve, to smooth, and to soothe. Nevertheless, to talk, to teach, to encourage are given to Popular Sanguine the mouth.
I also understand though we are from the same parents, our personality are different. Looking back to my uncles and aunts as example, both Mak and Makngah have more of Atuk’s personality. In contrast, Paklang shares same personality with Nenek. House must be kept in good order and everything must be done right. The good thing is Nenek really appreciates my beauty. He..he..he..You hear that? Makngah said, Bunga perasan cantik…..(She thinks she is beautiful)
However, both of them are perfectionist and set high standards. The reasons why Perfect Melancholies are easily depressed!
How about Paklong? Paklong reflects his uncle personality, Nenek’s brother. Eh Makngah, you forgot Maksu lah…. Makngah cannot see her dominant type, Neli. You should ask her to take The Personality Profile Test. Readers can get the test in Florence Littauer book – Personality Plus: How to understand others by understanding yourself (RM 27.90 at MPH & Kinokuniya)
In order to have a deep understanding about personality, however, one study is not enough. Florence Littauer book is suggested as her approach is humorous and straightforward. She is a Popular Sanguine, what do you expect?
Certain studies, for example, categorized the four temperaments as Artisan™, Guardians™, Rationals™ and Idealists™). These four temperaments are divided further into sixteen types of people. So, if you want to know whether you have Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey personality, take the test at (http://www.keirsey.com/). Why she chose Oprah, then? Because she is Juwairah!
The test can be used as a guide for your right career. However, the career choice is purely depends on your faith and passion. Makngah is an Artisan Performer. Another test she took also conform her as the most suitable person on stage, an actress! (http://www.sixwise.com/).
Although life doesn’t give us many choices, we are the one who decides the best application of our personality to avoid the conflicts within ourselves. A speaker needs to be a good actor/actress too. She has to make her presentation interesting despite any bad feelings or emotional problems she faced. Thus, she enjoys talking, sharing and inspiring others to achieve the best in life.
Ever wonder why the personalities are divided into four main temperaments? Are western studies parallel to Malays four categories – Soil, water, fire and wind? (Tanah, air, api dan angin)
Kindly send your invitation for a speaker to: sitijuwairah@gmail.com. Talks are conducted in Malay and English languages. Islamic perspectives will be discussed for Muslim audiences.
An answer for Bunga: I chose you because you’re the next talking machine; once the current one becomes an antique.
“Happiness depends not on money or riches – it depends on knowing and accepting yourself for who you are.” (The Personality100 Team, New York, 2008)
“Happiness does not come from material wealth; it comes from doing what is right, fair, just fighting for your principles and for what you believe in.” - The late Benazir Bhutto
MY NAME is Nayli Farwizah. You can call me Neli. But most favourable nickname is Bunga (Flower). Given by Atuk, my grandfather. He calls me Bunga since he found difficulty in pronouncing my real name. He composed a lullaby using this nickname too.
I don’t know why Makngah, my mother’s elder sister created this story for me. I thought she would do one for Inas, my younger sister. She loves Inas so much. That’s what I noticed. She bought Inas a very beautiful and expensive gown last Hari Raya. But, I don’t care…I have Abah! (my father). I know Abah loves me more. After all, I do look like Abah. Except, hmmm….my personality.
According to Makngah, I am more like Mak, my mother. Both of us are Powerful Cholerics. Do you know about this? Have you ever heard about it? Well….I never. Do you want to know why? Because, I am 5 tahun lah! (5 years old). So, if you want to know your personality, please buy Florence Littauer book – Personality Plus: How to understand others by understanding yourself (RM 27.90 at MPH & Kinokuniya).
Typical Powerful Cholerics are: swiftly, control, commander, self-assurance, iron will, dominate, take-charge determination, consigned, reorganization, decision making machinery, supreme, directive, power, faster, complete (Florence Littaeur). I have no idea whether Mak and I have all these characteristics or not. Furthermore, can you label someone at a younger age?
Well, Makngah told me that it doesn’t mean to label anybody. It is for us to learn how to put our strengths to work for us, how to compensate for the weaknesses in our personality. By understanding the personality, we can understand the strengths and weaknesses in others.
Powerful Cholerics are born leader. We exhibit a take-charge attitude very early in life. We let our parents know what we expect out of life. We demand of their rights very early by using a loud voice or temper tantrums to solidify control. Do you think I fall in this category because I always cry and seek for attention from my parents? I cry a lot because my skin is itchy lah
Makngah!
What you call it, Makngah? Eczema? As a matter of fact, I inherited these behaviour from, who else? My mother.
For mothers who don’t understand the personalities, these strong-willed children won’t do anything they are told. They make decisions for the whole family and at an early age, are firmly in charge of the household (Florence Littauer). Oh Makngah! I am the one who always ask Mak to go to Tesco; Mak, mak! Hari ni Mak cuti? Kita pegi Tesco heh? (She always asks her mother to go to Tesco during her mother’s day off.)
Makngah said my mother was the one who decided how to distribute whatever Nenek, my grandmother bought for them. Oh! I forgot to tell you. My mother has another sister, Maksu. Both of her sisters had to agree to whatever decisions made by her. My grandmother too! An example given by Makngah, the storyteller, was the clothes nenek bought for the three of them for Hari Raya. As a result, nenek bought the same materials and they would wear the same outfit on that day. Ha..ha..ha..Boria from Malacca.
However, I never allow Mak to do the same thing to me and Inas. I’ll make sure my clothes are more beautiful than her. Fortunately, I have more clothes than my sister and she has to wear my old clothes. Poor Inas.
The strong-willed and take-charge attitude in Powerful Cholerics are needed by organizations, businesses and families. Our ability to make decisions and to solve problem, would save time, although not everyone appreciates it.
Powerful Cholerics could have difficulties in life. They are rarely popular because their assurance and assertiveness make others feel insecure. Their ability to lead can easily make them appear bossy. By understanding the personality, Powerful Cholerics must moderate their actions. Hopefully, others will rejoice in their obvious abilities and not be offended. Another weakness is the short-tempered.
Meanwhile, how about Makngah? Do you want to know her personality? I bet you want. As I mentioned earlier, Makngah is a storyteller – talkative. Paklang, my uncle once described Makngah as a talking machine! Ha..ha..ha Once you put coins and press the button, she would talk and talk. Don’t know when she would stop. So, everybody must be careful not to put more coins. Ha..ha..ha..Sorry, Makngah. I know that you are funny and have a good sense of humour. You can accept these kinds of jokes, do you?
Makngah is a Popular Sanguine with some Powerful Choleric temperament. The marks you got in a Personality Profile Test would tell you. So, Makngah score more marks in Popular Sanguine category and she got certain marks in Powerful Choleric temperament. And this world really needs Popular Sanguine!
They bring joy when you are in trouble.
They have the touch of innocence.
They have a good sense of humour.
They put hope to blow away the black clouds.
They are enthusiastic and energetic to start over and over again.
Their creativity and charm colour your dull days.
They are simple person in complex situations.
As a child, Popular Sanguine looks for fun and games. They are inquisitive and cheerful. Popular Sanguine babies play with anything they can find. They laugh and love to be with people.
The typical Popular Sanguine at work always volunteer for jobs and thinks of new activities, looks great on the surface, creative and colourful, inspires others to join, charms others to work (Florence Littauer).
Popular Sanguines also are very good on stage. They are excellent greeters and hilarious. Do you remember Fran Fine, The Nanny? Makngah really enjoyed the sitcoms. She watched her again and again. While some viewers complaint about Astro repetition programmes, Makngah gave her credits.
Wah Makngah, don’t want to reveal your weaknesses, huh? For your information, Popular Sanguines like to interrupt and answer for others. They talk too much too! Therefore Makngah, please watch for signs of boredom and stop exaggerating!
Moreover, Popular Sanguines frequently don’t succeed. They have the ideas, the personality, the creativity, but they seldom get it all pulled together at any given time. Many of them change jobs, even careers. Oh, Makngah……..this is exactly you……
(Its ok, Neli….. You won’t get the delicious chocolates Pakngah bought for us…..) Oopps! Please forgive me, Makngah. I forgot the enthusiasm the Popular Sanguine has. Besides, you were a goal oriented person. Another Powerful Choleric character you have.
In what other ways, Makngah is a Powerful Choleric? A firm decision maker! Makngah always disagree with Atuk’s choices or decisions. Neither her ambition nor about her life partner.
What did you say Makngah? Atuk has Powerful Choleric characteristics too? That’s why both of you and Mak also cannot get along well with him. Ok! Now I have a better picture about us. Sad to tell, Atuk sometimes doesn’t like me too…..isk..isk..isk. Did I cry like this? Hello Makngah? Where is the sound?
So, now you have learned that each one of us is unique. Though we are from the same womb! While I am a duplication of my mother, Inas, my sister is a Peaceful Phlegmatic. She should be Pakngah’s daughter. She is more like him. Very indifferent from me, Along or Abah.
It could be because she was born in 2006, the same year with Pakngah’s child. Unfortunately, he had heart failure and we could never play or tease him. Therefore, Makngah had asked for Inas before she was born. This could be the reason why she shares the same personality with Pakngah. (Don’t forget Neli, Paklong too.)
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the easiest of all temperaments to get along with. Little Peaceful Phlegmatic babies are blessings to their parents. They will be delightful to have around; they will be happy wherever they are placed. They make friends but are happy alone. Nothing seems to bother them and they love to watch people pass by (Florence Littauer).
Peaceful Phlegmatic is the closest to being a balanced person; does not function in the extremes or excesses of life, but walks solidly down the middle road, avoiding conflict and decision on either side. He does not offend, does not call attention to himself and quietly does what is expected of him without looking for credit.
While Powerful Choleric wants to run everything, Peaceful Phlegmatic tends to hold back until asked and is never pushy. So, when Makngah (Popular Sanguine) screams, Mak (Powerful Choleric) lashes out, Paklang (Perfect Melancholy) sinks down, Paklong (Peaceful Phlegmatic) stay cool and calm.
Why Makngah said Paklang is a Perfect Melancholy? Well, Perfect Melancholy tends to be a genius prone and likes chart, graphs and figures lists. Paklang scored A for both of his A-level Mathematics. Even as a baby, the Perfect Melancholy appears to be thinking deeply. He is quiet, undemanding and likes to be alone. Hah…Paklang, remember yourself when you were at the kindergarten? You did not want to mix around with other kids. You told Nenek, you didn’t like them because of their smell? See Paklang, Perfect Melancholy makes friend cautiously and is sensitive to others.
Now you see, the more we understand people, the more we study the beauty of God (Allah) creations. Allah made each one of us different, so we could function in our own role. Some of us are feet, Powerful Choleric – to move, to administer, and to accomplish. Perfect Melancholy is the minds – to think deeply, to feel, to write. We have hands, Peaceful Phlegmatic – to serve, to smooth, and to soothe. Nevertheless, to talk, to teach, to encourage are given to Popular Sanguine the mouth.
I also understand though we are from the same parents, our personality are different. Looking back to my uncles and aunts as example, both Mak and Makngah have more of Atuk’s personality. In contrast, Paklang shares same personality with Nenek. House must be kept in good order and everything must be done right. The good thing is Nenek really appreciates my beauty. He..he..he..You hear that? Makngah said, Bunga perasan cantik…..(She thinks she is beautiful)
However, both of them are perfectionist and set high standards. The reasons why Perfect Melancholies are easily depressed!
How about Paklong? Paklong reflects his uncle personality, Nenek’s brother. Eh Makngah, you forgot Maksu lah…. Makngah cannot see her dominant type, Neli. You should ask her to take The Personality Profile Test. Readers can get the test in Florence Littauer book – Personality Plus: How to understand others by understanding yourself (RM 27.90 at MPH & Kinokuniya)
In order to have a deep understanding about personality, however, one study is not enough. Florence Littauer book is suggested as her approach is humorous and straightforward. She is a Popular Sanguine, what do you expect?
Certain studies, for example, categorized the four temperaments as Artisan™, Guardians™, Rationals™ and Idealists™). These four temperaments are divided further into sixteen types of people. So, if you want to know whether you have Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey personality, take the test at (http://www.keirsey.com/). Why she chose Oprah, then? Because she is Juwairah!
The test can be used as a guide for your right career. However, the career choice is purely depends on your faith and passion. Makngah is an Artisan Performer. Another test she took also conform her as the most suitable person on stage, an actress! (http://www.sixwise.com/).
Although life doesn’t give us many choices, we are the one who decides the best application of our personality to avoid the conflicts within ourselves. A speaker needs to be a good actor/actress too. She has to make her presentation interesting despite any bad feelings or emotional problems she faced. Thus, she enjoys talking, sharing and inspiring others to achieve the best in life.
Ever wonder why the personalities are divided into four main temperaments? Are western studies parallel to Malays four categories – Soil, water, fire and wind? (Tanah, air, api dan angin)
Kindly send your invitation for a speaker to: sitijuwairah@gmail.com. Talks are conducted in Malay and English languages. Islamic perspectives will be discussed for Muslim audiences.
An answer for Bunga: I chose you because you’re the next talking machine; once the current one becomes an antique.
“Happiness depends not on money or riches – it depends on knowing and accepting yourself for who you are.” (The Personality100 Team, New York, 2008)
“Happiness does not come from material wealth; it comes from doing what is right, fair, just fighting for your principles and for what you believe in.” - The late Benazir Bhutto
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