Are You in LOVE?

FOUR TIPS TO TELL IF YOU’RE REALLY IN LOVE

Falling in love would be so much easier if we just knew how it was going to work out. If we were going to otherwise live happily ever after with the fellow with the annoying habit of cracking his knuckles, we wouldn’t dump him after the second date. And if we knew that the time she spent to look so beautiful and glamorous would eventually drown our initial lust, we probably wouldn’t send roses after the first date.

Is the possibility of heartbreak worth it? How do we know if it’s the real thing? While not the final word, here are four tips to tell whether you’re on the right track.

SEPARATING THE PHYSICAL

Writer Harlan Ellison has said, “Love ain’t nothing but sex misspelt.” It is awfully easy to mix up love and lust. Mentally separate the physical part of your relationship from the rest. Not much left? If the physical side were taken away completely, how would you feel about this person? Oh, and how would they feel about you? As Margaret Anderson explains it, “In real love, you want the other person’s good. In romantic love, you want the other person.”

WANTS, NOT NEEDS

“Thousands have lived without love, not one without water,” WH Auden. Is it important to you or to your partner to be in love? Do you feel like you have to be in love? If you fall out of love, are you in a big hurry to fall back in, with someone else? It could be you’re in love with being in love – and not really with each other.
As M Scott Peck says in The Road Less Travelled, “Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.”

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

Do either of you say, “I’d love you if…” or “I won’t love you unless…” Love with strings attached feels more like a trap than a safety net. As Ken Keyes Jr says in A Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships, “Unconditional love gives a stable foundation to a relationship. And it means just what it says. No conditions – no strings attached to my love. No matter what you say or do, I will continue loving you. I may not like what you do, but my love is unconditional and will not be affected, not even if our involvement changes.”

LOOKING UP

Ann Landers explains it, “Infatuation might lead you to do the things you’ll regret later, but love never does. Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.”
At a singles retreat, one of the participants asked if there was any one way to know whether a relationship was the “right” one. A priest replied that you should ask yourself: does this relationship give me energy, or does it drain me of energy? Any relationship that leaves you feeling drained isn’t the right one. He got a standing ovation.

HER WORLD, FEB 1995

TIPS ON CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON:

ü One who makes you feel good about living,
ü Who brings out the best in you,
ü Who is joyful and giving,
ü Who gives you a chance to be strong,
ü Who accepts you as you are.